They Like Me, They Really Like Me
by Failure Turtle
Summary: Based off of the Best of 2007 issue of WWE Magazine. The Superstars are given awards, and these are their acceptance speeches. Last chapter: Vince McMahon, Santino Marella, JBL, Randy Orton, and William Regal. Officially T for language.
1. Funniest moment and best fake product

**A/N: This one just hit me, as they always do.**

**BRITTANY I DO NOT HATE YOU!**

**This is all from the "Best of 2007" issue of WWE Magazine. I'm treating it like an actual show, and these are the acceptance speeches.**

**Note that I'm only doing the funny ones.**

_Funniest Moment: Santino Marella for his parody of "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse_

_He is also accepting the award for Fake Product of the Year: Marella's Original Ass Whip and Mudpies_

_Santino storms up to the podium with Maria on his arm. Once he reaches the podium, he shakes Maria off._

Go and wait over there, my Ma-ree-uh. As Mr. Champion Cena would say, this is my time.

I am-a so honored for you people to think that I am so hilarious. You even give me this award for being so funny. This-a award is a-so amazing. It is a little monkey with cymbals that a-go "boom." I a-love the fact that I bring more joy to the people of the world than Santa Cracker.

Let's a-see, here. I can a-think of all the funny moments that I have a-beat out this a-year.

Oh, I remember one that sucked. It was when the KYJ came back and the next week he showed the pictures. He told Sandy that he wanted his Cookie Monster belt on fire. Who would want such a thing? I guess that KYJ likes the flames.

And when KYJ said that he wanted to a-save someone from Sandy's woman purse, that was stupid. I am a-glad that you can see that Santino Marella is funny and not KYJ. And not is Stone Cold, either.

I a-love my fake product. I would not eat this, though. I will run dry a mudpie with Stone Cold's ass whip. That is a-funny. That could win the award as well.

I am going to celebrate with my Ma-ree-uh and my Columbian Carlito. We will swallow the spit of the apples together and drink the wine juice. I a-thank you people for knowing that Santino is funny.

My last words will be this: They try to make me watch the Condemned, but I say NO NO NO!

_Santino takes Maria and walks back to his seat with his two awards._

**A/N: I tried to do Santino as best as I could.**

**The award had a picture in the magazine. It looked like one of those wind up monkeys that have the crash symbols.**

**Next will probably be…EDGE'S award for best entrance theme…because you all know how well I do Edge.**

**Review.**


	2. Best theme and tattoo

**A/N: So, I already know exactly which one's I'm doing in here…**

**And the grand total is 12 chapters including this first one. I just found another Santino one I have to do.**

**This one is dual Edge-ness. Sweet.**

_Best entrance music: Edge for his use of "Metalingus" by Alter Bridge_

_He is also accepting the award for best tattoo: the skulls on his right arm._

_Edge prances up to the podium doing his conceited little head-bobbing thing._

Thank you, Edgeheads. I really truly do thank you. If it weren't for you tuning in each and every week to see me, I would not have won this award.

You know what? Fuck this!

_Edge rips up the paper with his acceptance speech written on it and tosses the shreds into the front row, landing on JBL's lap._

I only thank _myself_ for winning this award. I was the one that picked this music. I am the one that rocks. I shouldn't be thanking you ass chumps. It doesn't matter if you love me or if you hate me. You still love my entrance theme. I find it hilarious that all of you think that I am one negative mother fucker just because I hate your favorite Superstars. No, I'm not negative. My beautiful composition of an entrance theme proves that. It is a _very_ positive song. You are the negative ones. You are the ones that hate me. I only hate you because you started this little love fest. It's not my fault that I'm better than everyone else.

I still find it fantastic that I was out of action for like four months and I still won this award. HA!

Of course I'm going to with the award for best ink. No shit. Everyone else's sucks. It's not creative. It's generic crap that ninety year old biker dudes have. Disgusting. Mine is cool and has personality.

Here is another reason that I rock the hardcore ink, besides it looking better: I can handle the pain. All of the rest of the freaks backstage are too weak to handle the needle. They're all _oh no, I don't want a tattoo. It hurts too much_.

Fucking pussies.

Thanks, bitches!

_Edge flips off the crowd and walks off the stage. JBL storms up to him in an attempt to give him the clothesline from hell, but Edge spears him in the nick of time. Edge runs his hands through his hair, picks up both of his awards, and takes his seat._

**A/N: I liked doing this one. Well, I just love me some Edge.**

**Review.**


	3. Best mic skills and best roster swap

**A/N: I'm not so secretly avoiding "A Rock and a Hard Place" right now. Shhh don't say anything.**

**Since I'm on a fucking Kennedy muse, I'll do his chapter now since my Green Bay juices are flowing right now. When I went to the movies today, I had my Green Bay Packers bag, and all I could think about was Mr. Kennedy. (Don't worry, I am from Wisconsin.)**

_Best microphone skills: Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) for the use of the microphone in his entrance and his sweet promos_

_He is also accepting the award for best roster swap: Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) from SmackDown to RAW_

_Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) stalks up to the podium. Instead of leaning on it to talk into the built in microphone like a normal person, he braces himself and gracefully lifts his hand into the air, calling down the silver microphone. He takes it forcefully into his palm and wipes some sweat off of his brow with the sleeve of his tuxedo. He takes a deep breath and begins to charm the crowd with his amazing charismatic choice of words._

This award could go to _no one_ else except me. I am the greatest talker in the history of the WWE. John Cena doesn't hold a candle to me. Hell, he can't even hold a candle at all after he injured himself in that match. Wait, that match was AGAINST ME! That just proves that not even Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy bows down to "Da Champ."

I don't have to use eloquent words to sound awesome. I don't need trademark sayings like Freak-o Rico in the front row here does. Yeah, Carlito, I'm talking to you. Don't you dare think about coming up here with one of those sickening apples.

_Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) brings his hand back as if he was going to chuck the microphone at Carlito. He then calmly brings his hand back down to his side, smacks his gum, takes a look around the room and then resumes his speech._

Anyways, I suppose that I won the "Best Roster Swap" award. Thank god! No other trade in the draft was as monumental as sending _me_, Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy, to RAW. Only now can RAW officially be called the "A" show. The people will tune in to watch _me_ smack talk my opponents into the canvas that is the wrestling ring. The people chant my name. They all want to see MISTER KENNEDY…KENNEDY!

To now further your Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy experience, I will now go through my regular introduction to end my speech. See? That's why I am so great. Only I can put my introduction at the end and make it sound good.

I weigh in tonight at a staggering two hundred and forty-five pounds. I hail from Green Bay, Wisconsin! And after this shindig tonight, I plan on celebrating as if the Green Bay Packers had just won the Superbowl, which they will this year! I am…

_Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) takes a deep breath_

MISSSSSTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDY!

_Since there is no turnbuckle to climb on, Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) hopped onto the podium. Once steadily on top, he outstretched his arms and shook them out a bit. He then slowly brought his arms back in and lifted the microphone ever so carefully up to his mouth to finish what they whole audience had been waiting for._

KEH-NEH-DAY!

_Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) carelessly tossed the microphone behind him as it creeped back up towards the ceiling. He adjusted his tuxedo jacket. He snapped his fingers and his entrance theme played throughout the auditorium, a feat that no other wrestler had accomplished yet. He stormed down the stairs with a Vince McMahon-like swagger in his step. Instead of going back to his seat, he walked up the aisle and out of the auditorium. Once he reached the doorway he turned around_.

KEH-NEH-DAY!

**A/N: I need to do another rant story. Don't worry, it's allowed for me. Haven't you read "Razor's Edge?"**

**Who do you guys want next? There will be **_**another**_** Santino chapter, and Vince McMahon, Big Daddy V, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, William Regal, JBL, John Morrison, and Randy Orton.**

**Review.**


	4. Best entrance

**A/N: This is for Spiffy, my resident Morrison lover. She makes me giggle. I do not hate ECW, I just don't care for it. Oh, but I _will_ be watching on Tuesday. My darling Edgie is making an appearance. If he refers to it as a retard circus, then I _know_ that he's been reading "Razor's Edge."**

_Best entrance: John Morrison for his impeccable entrance theme and slow motion ring entrance that leaves us confused. Really, how **does** he do that?_

_John Morrison walks up the steps and onto the stage. Just before stepping towards the podium, time stops and he hair suddenly starts flowing in an imaginary breeze. The audience seems to be on a mushroom high as John Morrison starts moving in slow motion. Once he stops, the audience collectively exhales. They were all unaware of the fact that they were holding their breath_.

I am John Morrison, the Shaman of Sexy. Don't believe me? Then just take a look at me. You must be horrendously blind if you don't believe me.

No one in the history of the WWE has such a spectacular entrance as I do. Not even my _ex_-girlfriend Melina's skank entrance can compare to my classy one.

My next mission is to regain the ECW Championship. My entrance will look so much better with that championship belt around my waist.

You know what? My entrance speaks for itself. To prove it to you, I will end it with a special leaving version of my entrance.

_John Morrison cues his theme music, and all of a sudden, it happens again. He walks off of the stage as if nothing happened and leaves the crowd speechless._

**A/N: I was thinking about it earlier...he's starting to grow on me.**

**I just don't really imagine him talking a lot, so...**

**Oh, I don't know where you're pulling Jericho from. I listed all I was doing, and he's not on that list. I'm only doing the funny ones.**

**Review.**


	5. Everyone else

**A/N: I just want this story over with.**

**Therefore, this is everyone else's speeches. I have other stories I need to get to…**

**Holy crap, I just took a look at my list. There's going to be five speeches in here. There were originally going to be seven, but I have no interest in the EX World Tag Team Champions, nor do I feel like talking about Big Daddy V without his shirt unless I am channeling the spirit of Edge. I hope you understand.**

**And I apologize…there's **_**another**_** Santino Marella one.**

_Best Newcomer: Santino Marella_

Of-a course I am a-named the best newcomer in the WWE. Who else-a made such an impact in their a-debut? Was there even any-a new a-peoples this year? I don't a-know. Besides Cody Highway and all those a-stupid Maria imposters on the Smack-a-Up, I cannot a-think of any.

That's too-a bad.

Nobody else could beat Upanda, the Samoan Bull Rider on their debut. I did not need that a-help from the Bobby Hashbrown. But that is a-funny because know he is a-gone. I guess he could not a-handle Santino Marella. And a-now, I am a-finished.

Do not a-miss me too a-much.

_

* * *

Worst Haircut: Mr. McMahon at Wrestlemania 23_

_Mr. McMahon struts up to the podium with his power walk._

Who the hell nominated me for this award? This is atrocious.

Worse than nominating me, who decided that I _won_ this blasted award?

Whoever did is…is…FIRED!

_Mr. McMahon struts off the stage in a heated manner, nearly taking out a member of the stage crew with his intense arm swings._

_

* * *

Best elocution: William Regal_

Oh, what an honor this is. I know that you American's cannot speak as properly as the non-citizens of this blasted nation.

_From somewhere in the arena, Edge screams "Hell yeah!"_

Thank you, Hedge. I am surprised that Triple Haitch did not acquire this award for all of his cheap promos that he likes to cut. This makes me feel a lot better about my language skills.

And since I won this award, I hope that no one will attempt to correct me when I say You-main-ga, because clearly, I can say it better than you can in the first place.

_

* * *

Best announcer: John Bradshaw Layfield_

_JBL rolls up in his white limousine. His chauffer opens the door as balloons fall from the sky. When he exits his white vehicle, he opens his arm while accepting the applause from the crowd…but there is none. Cheers, that is._

You fools! Obviously, I should have won best elocution if I'm the damn best announcer.

People love to hear me talk!

_Edge throws a hockey puck but it misses JBL's face._

Ha, Edge! You fool. And to think, I supported you while Michael Cole did not!

I don't have to take this abuse.

And to think, I'll never announce again now that I've come back to the ring to take out your little hero, Chris Jericho. It's a good thing you assholes gave me this award when you did.

_

* * *

Biggest Jerk: Randy Orton_

_Randy walks up to the podium. Once he gets up there, he jumps up on the podium and poses. A random guy in the front row yells, "Why don't you do that anymore?" Randy promptly jumps off of the podium to talk._

You know, you all suck.

I'm _glad_ that I won the biggest jerk award. In fact, I'm such a jerk that I won't even give you a speech about it.

_Randy hops off the stage and grabs the guy that yelled at him from the front row. Randy RKO's him. No one comes to his aide. Randy lays down on his stomach and supports himself by his fists, stalking his newest victim. When the guy is on all fours, Randy gets up and punts his head._

Am I a jerk _now_?

**A/N: That's it. The end.**

**Review.**


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